Changing your veiw

​Life can be frustrating same time fascinating,it all depends on you,the way you view and tackle problems, disappointments,set back and failures, do you see them as what they are or as an opportunity to do better and learn more about yourself and what you can endure. Choice is yours my friend make a wise one.Good morning 

HOLD ON-Keep going 

​Keep Going
Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep going. Tough situations build strong people in the end.Those words kept me going and you too should borrow a leave from it.The past couple of months have been hard for me,have lost loved ones,have lost money,have lost friends whom I thought I would rely on in times of my needs well it all happened for a reason a reason I’m yet to know but one thing 

Happened to me-I become stronger,before now I never knew how much I could endure hard times guess i know now. I feel so much stronger than i was couple of months ago,you too can feel same way if you continue holding on to hope,make hope your choice today,make it your anchor and remain bless as you do .

TIPS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH STUBBORN PEOPLE.

TIPS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH STUBBORN PEOPLE
If you have a stubborn person in your life, consider yourself lucky. Stubborn people can be annoying, stressful and drive you crazy. Your stubborn person could be the person who sits next to you at work or your own father. Once you learn how to work with him (not against him), you will be shocked to discover how strong, smart and clever you are.
1. Bring it on! Start a new attitude.
View a stubborn person as an opportunity to become a better version of yourself. You’ve heard, “You can’t change anyone else, you can only change yourself.” Well, here’s your chance. Change the way you view that challenging person.
2. Take a pause.
Resist the urge to engage in an argument. Impulse control is a character strength that will help you. Don’t give in to your defense impulse. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom (where you can let out a scream, shake it off, and go back to the brick wall you have to face).
3. Play word chess.
Strategically plan your conversations. The right move with the right words can result in a positive outcome instead of a fight. It’s up to you to say the right thing. Just do everything you can to avoid saying “No, you are wrong.” Present your opposing opinion with respect and dignity.
4. Get them to listen to what you have to say.
Sit down, don’t talk to your boyfriend if he’s in the bathroom while you’re sitting in bed. Take it to a table. Try to keep the conversation business-like. Listen to the volume and tone of your own voice. Remember: Talk face-to-face and heart-to-heart.
5. The right time…
Wait for the opportune moment to make your point. If you’re talking to a man, feed him first. If you’re talking to a female, before you talk, check out her mood stats. Is she stressed out and annoyed or smiley and calm? Ask yourself, is this the best time to present my case?
6. Go slow.
This is a process. Learn to wait (discover how patient you can be). It takes time to open a closed mind.
7. Break it into segments.
A stubborn person suffers from temporary hearing loss. The only opinion he hears is his own. An opposing opinion should be delivered in small portions. Plant seeds, leave pebbles, break it down. Little segments are easier to digest.
8. Think about their point of view.
Practice compassion. It’s hard to be patient with a person who is pushing your back against the wall, but try to understand (without doing a full psychoanalysis) what she sees. If you have four brothers and enjoy seeing her, your only child girlfriend will not understand why you want to meet her for dinner once a week.
Lastly

9. Breathe deeply and never give
Dealing with a stubborn person can be exhausting. It feels like you are walking on eggshells, whenever you take a step, you can hear the crackling under your feet. Whatever you say is never the right thing to say.In time you will get there 

TIPS ON HOW TO TREAT YOUR WOMAN

So I bring to you 4 secret tips on how to treat a woman
1.Always communicate your feeling: Survey carried out -turns out that men are more often the ones to declare feelings of love first in a relationship. Research has determined that men take only 88 days to tell their partner they love them (compared to a woman’s.while another study says men say “I love you” first 70% of the time.She need to be reassured of you affections towards her,so if you not the type that tells her I love you ,make it a habit.

2.Watch your timing:Women prefer to hear “I love you” after sex rather than before. It could be they distrust the words a bit if they’re uttered before sex as it makes them wonder if your saying “I love you” simply to get some action.

3.Get rid of distractions:There’s nothing a lady hate than texting,or chatting while you having a conversation with her.That might mean turning off the ballgame or ignoring the text you just got. Try to keep from interrupting unless the question is crucial to your understanding of the situation. Putting your focus completely on your woman shows her that she’s important and that you value and are interested in what she has to say or the contribution she have to make.

4.Read non-verbal cues. Gestures, facial expressions and eye-movements can all be important. Don’t just listen with your ears but also with your eyes so you can gain greater insight into what she’s feeling.

You don’t expect you woman to always make an announcement each time she needs you,save her the stress and take control.

See things from her point of view. Your girlfriend or wife may be upset about something that would never trouble you, or she might describe a scenario you can’t imagine being a part of–but you have to try. Put yourself in her shoes to try to understand what she’s communicating more clearly. Even if you don’t agree with her reaction or her opinion, keep an open mind and let her know that in any dispute you’re always on her side.Always listen and understand the pains she going through,refrain from solving the problem. When a woman is talking through a problem she’s facing, a man’s first response is to jump in and try to solve it. That impulse comes from a good place, but it’s not what a woman wants. She simply wants to be heard, so refrain from coming to the rescue with a solution for the situation.

Good luck as you put into practice this few steps

SECRETS

WHAT SECRETS CAN DO TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
Many at times we think that by keeping secrets from our friends, spouse or partner we doing them a lot favour because we might think telling the truth will make things worse. Or they believe that their significant other simply couldn’t handle the truth and that it might end the relationship. Well that I’m not sure is true.”Secrets have weight the longer you keep them the harder it keeps you from moving ” in some point of you holding on to secret you must have felt that way.
Recent research shows that one amidst five people are keeping a major secret, ranging from infidelity ,money troubles, from their spouse. Surprisingly. Further, one in four of those people who kept a secret in this study said that it was so big, they worried that it would destroy their relationship. Common secrets reported include money troubles, pornography and various forms of betrayal such as infidelity.
Personally keeping secret is so big, it creates a distance between yourself and the real person you are. The tow it takes on you can be compared to that of a murderer.
While trust is an essential element of an intimate relationship, it can be easily broken and hard to repair when secrets are exposed or discovered from a sort not originated from. When your partner withholds important information from you regardless of their reasons, it’s normal to feel betrayed along with that betrayal comes distrust,deception and doubts and these could take months if not years to reestablished depending how long it’s been.
Keeping secrets keeps you so cold,deserted and frustrated to mention few lonely. Why keep secret at the first place?
Like a car that needs fuel and a driver,life needs consistency and a sense of security.” In other words, by keeping secrets or lying to your partner, you run the risk that you will lose their trust and put your relationship in jeopardy.
Below are some 5 steps I gathered from a book I read, it might help you into considering whether or not to keep having secrets .
Five reasons why it’s a good idea not to keep secrets:

1. You will feel bitter about yourself. Honesty is always the best policy and most of us have a moral code which tells us that keeping secrets is akin to lying. For most of us, being dishonest is only acceptable when we are in dire straits — like trying to save someone’s life.

2. Keeping major secrets is a form of deceit and the more time that passes, the harder it is to fess up.

3. Being deceitful breeds mistrust. Further, once a person loses trust, it is hard to regain — especially for those who have been betrayed by a parent or former romantic partner or spouse.

4. Keeping secrets is a hotbed for betrayal. Leaving out important facts can lead to further deception or betrayal, according to author Dr. Lisa Firestone. Whereas being open with your partner will promote trust and honest communication.

5. People are hurt by lies and grow apart. It’s hard to feel emotionally connected to someone when you catch them in a lie or find out that they’ve kept a secret from you.
I appreciate your time taken to read this piece, I too have lots of secrets but I’m letting them all out even though I’m not sure what it might cost me but it will be worth the riskSECRETS

UNSPOKEN PLEA

UNSPOKEN PLEA
Broadly speaking women are more cold and preservative when it comes to expressing their feelings and more sensitive to actions than men are. So if a woman say to another woman “Oh don’t worry about me dear I’ll be fine “with a bit of sad look or sigh on her face or forehead ,she’s giving the other woman a clue she doesn’t want company or help but if that woman really cares she’ll stay. In that circumstance she doesn’t have to spill out her guts trying to explain to the other woman her plight, just a few words and emotional make up and the other one gets the message.Men are not wired that way so why then will a woman expect a man to always read her mind? Tell a man oh dear don’t worry about me I’ll be fine and he’ll just say cool and go back to watching his game without a second thought,genuinely not realising the unspoken plea till he gets the cold shoulder. Now I don’t have that kinda patient neither do I understand the unspoken plea, I just try to read in between the lines and most times it gets me into some serious fight and trouble what a dummy move lol.
I for one personally get mad at woman for not always being direct about their feelings and other issues related to their health,happiness and affairs,women at the other hand get upset with men for not being sensitive about their mood swing and other issue pertaining to them and both are right in their own perspective.
My question now is……..
1. Why is it difficult for women to discuss things issues or express their feelings to someone they love?
i. Is it some kind of fear that holds them back?
ii. Doing so, would it affect their self esteem or are their trying to protect their imagine of themselves, one that the society have about them?
2. In developed countries men give women flowers to express their apologies, here in Nigeria we give gift it could be anything, what can women give or what do they give when they know they are wrong?
3. Too many women buy into the myth that if two people are truly soul mates they can effortlessly read each others thoughts, how’s this trend going?
Some well read people may put it this way, saying ” I love you ” doesn’t mean I do besides it’s a mere word, granted,but then-I reasoned to myself and say……….. Something must have prompt you to say those words, could that thing be a mere thing or it just happened by chance?If it is then I put it to you that a liquefied carbondioxide runs in your vein not blood lol.For love to be felt it must be accompanied by some tenderness or touch ( kiss, smiles, care, compliments, intimate conversation etc) In the absence of the aforementioned,your words will go a long long way.Feelings are meant to be expressed in words and even in deeds.
Would it be out of place if I say the life of a woman seems synonymous with the life of a secret? An ex girlfriend once told me that the things that goes on inside a girl’s mind usually fails to agree with her heart, I tried to grasp the meaning of those words I couldn’t, she concluded by saying that those things are responsible in their aid to hide a few things, not because they are afraid, but because they love those things in their personal space. Speaking of personal space maybe some women would be generous enough to let us in into their diary.
Here’s a questions for the BOLD and FEARLESS ladies let’s see what some have to say.
What would you hide from your man/boyfriend?